You’re on your favorite online dating site and you come across a profile that really captures your attention. You have tons in common; sense the chemistry could be off the charts and feel guided to contact this person… but wait! They live in another country—a plane flight away! Do you go with your instinct, or do you decide that long distance dating isn’t for you because it's too much of a hassel?
Let’s dive in to this quandary. First off, what if this person is the absolute love of your life? Are you willing to relocate for that kind of love? If not, check their profile to see if they are. Most singles ARE willing to relocate for love, so the odds are in your favor, even if you would like to stay put.
Ok, great, so at least one of you IS willing to relocate. But, does long distance dating even work? When I first launched Spiritual Singles back in the year 2000, I was convinced that long distance dating was a horrible idea. Everyone that I met that had tried it ended up with some kind of “unhappy ending” story. However, 18 years later, my attitude has shifted a complete 180 degrees! Why? Because over that 18-year period, we have received countless testimonials about how long distance dating has worked. Couples tell us how they originally didn’t’ live in the same city, state and oftentimes even country, but they felt they were destined to be together and how grateful they are that they met on Spiritual Singles! I love that!
Here are some smart, savvy tips to get you started, because, hey, what if the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with doesn’t live near you? You still want to meet them, right?
Open your mind and heart to the possibility. Come to terms with the idea that your soulmate, twin flame, life partner, poopsie love face…may live somewhere else and that’s perfectly okay! Surrendering to what’s in your highest and best is a great first step. Trust that your future partner may be prepping themselves to meet you, and that anything is possible!
On your profile, when setting filters for who you are looking to meet when SEARCHING/BROWSING, select the important ones like their spiritual beliefs, whether they smoke, drink alcholol, are 420 friendly (or not) and if they want more/any kids...etc, but leave the LOCATION section OPEN. On Spiritual Singles you can designate where you are looking to meet someone in your "Matchmaker Preferences" (for Matches) and on the "Search" page. You may also SAVE specific searches (with specific search filters) and give them names. I recommend keeping your main search page OPEN in regard to location and then if you like, save some specific searches in different locations, including a general radius near your home-base location. If you travel to a specific location frequently, or even occassionally, you might want to save that location as well. You can save as many different sets of search filters as you like.
Make contact with those you feel a connection with no matter where they live. Say, you live in California and he or she lives in Australia, so what? Think of it like an experiment or an adventure. Relax and have some fun as you get to know them. Start with email conversations, but move to video chatting as soon as you are comfortable in doing so.
Video chat early on. As soon as you know the person is legitimate and you feel there could be something there, schedule a video date. Voice, eyes, laugh and mannerisms are all things you can’t get from emails and not all from the phone, but you can from video chatting. It gives you the best sense of chemistry before meeting in person. Have some fun questions prepared to ask--keep it light and easy at first. Once you’ve had a few video dates, make sure to sit in silence and FEEL each other for at least a minute or so. This is a nice way to just “be” with someone and feel his or her energy. Video dating is a great way to get to know someone without physical intimacy and is therefore conducive to developing a deeply connected friendship, which is a great place to start a relationship.
Zoom is a great video chatting platform to have your video dates on (it's free). Skype is also good, but as we learned from Wikileaks, Skype calls are transcribed and saved by the NSA, so just know that going in. I don't recommend getting too sexual while video chatting. Focus on friendship first, then move towards connecting on a deep, intimate level without being overtly sexual.
Arrange to meet in person once you both feel you’re ready. Sometimes both people will travel and meet somewhere in the middle and spend a wonderful weekend together, and sometimes one person travels to the other’s city/town. Do what works for you both, and again, relax and in-JOY the experience/adventure.
Take the pressure off. Think of it as meeting a good friend, not potentially the one you might spend the rest of your life with, unless that excites you and works for you. Plan some activities to do together so you can share some experiences and see how it goes. At first, it’s easier if you are DOING something, rather than just sitting and talking. You might want to go for a hike and/or a picnic, a bike ride, wine tasting, shopping for dinner ingredients at your local farmer’s market (then preparing dinner together) and/or take a class together (painting, cooking…). Be creative.
Stay in the flow and follow your inner guidance. Listen to your heart more than your head. In-JOY the other person as a soul in a body and see how you FEEL when you are with them. Let go of pre-conceived notions about how someone should look (how tall they should be, how thin/muscular…etc) and about storybook romances. Be genuine, real, authentic, honest and do your best to stay in your heart. Have fun and practice compassionate communication.
Video date, talk on the phone, email and text in between visits until you are ready to bring your lives together, or you decide it’s not a match. Hopefully it is and you will be sending us your Success Story soon!
Check out The 7 Keys to Spiritual Dating for some great tips about actual dating.
Jill Crosby is the owner/founder of the Conscious Dating Network, the largest network of exclusively conscious/spiritual/green dating sites on the Internet, featuring her flagship site, www.SpiritualSingles.com launched in 2000 and www.GreenSingles.com inherited in 2014. There are several dating sites that all share the same, large database of members in the spiritual/green niche. All members automatically have access to all members from all sites, by joining one site.
During the first 9-years of growing her online dating site business, Jill worked a “day job” as Director and Sales Trainer for several Great Expectations Dating offices throughout the US. During that time she interviewed over 6000 singles in 7 different states.